| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|04:13 am] |
wow.
Frank has just informed me ever so apathetically that he's tired of me.
in the heat of the moment.
I've been going fucking crazy for the past year now. slowly but fucking surely.
I need some help or something.
I also need to fucking run away for a few days or weeks or something. AWAY, as in no one I see everyday is around.
This has been a great lesson. don't put all your eggs in one basket.
People that have more than one basket, though? swingers? hmm.
I think I'll just watch porn for the rest of my life, and never think of men again.
It won't be very hard.
I really really convinced myself he was more than a 16 year old former druggie.
I really really convinced myself he loved me.
I...wow.
Fucked him with in nine days. nine days of fucking dating.
I was wondering earlier, if he knew how easy it was to get tired of me, why did he convince me he cared so much and shit? Convinced me to do things I wouldn't to other people. I was naked. He saw every fucking disgusting inch of my body, he knew me up front.
I let him into my entire being.
so what now?
my entire fucking being is now tainted.
I put all my eggs in one basket, I didn't consider the consequences ahead of time, I should have known better.
NOW I love someone that doesn't even respect me as a friend. to trash my feelings so easily?
shouldn't have trusted him. I guess this is what I get for opening up so much. for admiring everything about him andfalling in love with something I didn't even know would eventually tear me apart.
I'm pretty fucked. |
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| IF YOU HAVE ON DEMAND: |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|05:48 pm] |
watch "What the bleep do we know?" ....I think it's on starz.
You'll learn more from the film than you ever had in 4 years of school. trust me. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|09:07 am] |
This man thinks he stands
on invisible hands,
but imaginary friends are child's play. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|12:55 pm] |
Well, I got a job as sort of a secretary, so...internet access.
I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
Anyway, How are you guys? |
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| Nevermind. |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|07:15 pm] |
|
I won't be on anymore. |
|
|
| The Court House Motel |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|12:46 pm] |
Room 16.
We got a cell phone...number's 231-4408.
call if you want....but I NEED Jill to call, because since we live so close I want to fucking CHILL. so call, bitch. please.
but yes, all is well.
and dave, i'm sorry, we weren't meaning to text you, buttons were being pressed in Frank's pockets. my bad. |
|
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| I'm out. |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|12:18 pm] |
I checked into the Court House Motel this afternoon.
Sorry if I can't update too often. |
|
|
| ... |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|03:56 am] |
Although it's taken 18 years, almost nineteen, and I don't blame anyone but myself, I can't help but sob like a fucking baby.
I spent the weekend at my boyfriends house. having sex, getting high, getting mad at eachother and making up...
where to begin...
we were in bed. We'd gotten eachother pretty excited. we were clean so far...we were making out getting ready to do it...apparently the fact that I'd stop touching him (I wanted to move onto better things) bothered him.
"maybe we shouldn't do this tonight." I said. he rolled over and stared at the ceiling as if it was shit he didn't have to take. " I love you, you're beautiful, but I just think it isn't going to happen."
and we got into an arguement where he blamed me for not touching him long enough...I flipped out saying it was bullshit and that he shouldn't blame me, and stormed out and headed for the couch.
he didn't, once, open the door and check on me. I spent a while on the couch wondering what I should do. I wanted to leave, but what to say? I realized why Courtney Love killed Kurt...because when he DIDN'T get scared over her little scheme of leaking to the press that she was in the hospital due to over dose, she felt fucked over and tried to get even.
I can see how this relates. no, it wasn't right, but crazy fucked up women can destroy gods. and she did. I felt I would. So I cried on the couch for a while, decided to go to his room and lay down with him. he probably felt like shit too.
I had told him this weekend that I wanted to marry him and have his kids, and he confessed he felt the same. But when I opened the door, he wasn't just looking up to see who it was with a sullen tired face, he was sleeping like a baby under his warm covers.
I stood at the door for a moment. Maybe he'd stir. When he didn't, I slowly and quitely got my shit together and out of his room. My purse, my shoes, and my bra and underwear.
I went to the bathroom, peed and put on my bra, went into the living room, sat down and took out the nail polish and everything I recieved from this weekend. I lined it up all nice and neat, and decided I should leave a note. after thinking for a bit, I wrote:
"YOU ARE SLEEPING.
rest assured:
where ever I am,
I AM STILL AWAKE.
-In Delicacy . "
and after sitting and crying and stalling for a good few minutes, I decided to only leave a blank peice of paper folded up with a pen on it to dissapoint him.
When would he discover all of this? late morning, I guessed.
I sat more and stalled. finally got up to leave.
Molly, his dog, got up and followed me to the door. I turned and hushed for her to stay, and when I was sure she would, I left. The last door I went through I made more noise than I should have on purpose. Maybe he'd stop me before I was out of sight if he heard the door. I EVEN LOOKED AT THE FRONT WINDOWS TO SEE IF ANYONE WAS STIRRING. no one.
I began to walk.
It was cold, but I liked it. at least it wasn't hot. the entire time I though, "should I hitchhike?" ...nah. enjoy the walk. ...nah, it's too dark. ...NAH I'm chicken shit.
2 miles along and two bikers turned around with concern.
"Hello." They said as the pulled up.
"hi."
"Where are you headed?"
"home."
"How far do you have to go?"
"eh...about a good 2 miles."
"Can we call someone to come and pick you up?"
:-/ "no, I walked all the time." I said, smiling.
"It's a bad time of night, specially with whats been going on in Wildwood."
I nodded, we said our good byes and they continued down the road. I started crying. 3 miles til home and a cop stopped me. He used to work at the middle school, but of course he wouldn't recognize me.
"hi." I said as he rolled down his window.
"What are you doing?"
"walking home." I replied as he pulled out a peice of paper. "did I do something wrong?"
"It's 2:30 am and you're walking on the high way."
"...yeah...?"
"I'm checking you out."
"oh."
he asked me for my name, which he spelled wrong, my age, if I had I.D. (no) my address, where I was coming from, my boyfriends name, and if I knew his house number. I said I didn't. after he left, it was one mile to go.
I got home and the side door was locked.
so was the front door.
I climbed the roof...we'll...I set up an old fridge against the side of the house, and next to that, a chair to help me up on THAT...which broke through under my weight, gashing up my legs.
That did it.
"What did I do wrong?" I said out loud as I started crying hysterically. It had already been a shit night.
then I thought, and answered myself.
"I should have kept touching him. I should have kept touching him."
I stood on the chair again, on the sides, lifted myself onto the fridge, and onto the roof. half way there I remembered mum put my screen back in, and that there was an actual set up blocking the window. Cried a bit, sucked it up, moved on.
I made it over the roof ON my roof, and walked to the window. The screen came out fine. I had alot of trouble getting the shit quietly off the table in front of the window in my room while I was still outside. It hit me, then.
What was I doing?
this chubby stoner girl with fake hair color, and seemingly trashy boyfriend, with a serious problem sneaking into her own house.
I used to be a skinny, annoyingly loud, little girl with nothing sad to think about.
I use to tell myself I'd never ever do drugs.
I stood there with my ass and legs standing outside my window, and the rest of my body slumped over the desk inside, crying my eyes out. I didn't even care if mum rushed up shouting, I really wanted to die.
Get a gun, find a crowd and make a bloody fucking scene with nothing but my brains, that bullet, and good old velocity.
Finally got in.
when down, cleaned up the evidence of my sneak in, and took some benadryl to get to sleep.
he'll call tomorrow after he gets up, well rested and peaceful.
"Why'd you leave?" he'll ask, dissapointed.
and I'll regret EVER leaving. I'll regret not touching him until his skin burned.
oh wait...I already do.
goodnight. |
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| Rants aren't meant to be read, only written. |
[Aug. 31st, 2005|02:59 am] |
| [ | feel |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | Pearl Jam - Even Flow | ] |
Some people make me want to puke.
I can't believe I actually bothered with a 14 year old minded sac of vagina juice.
You ever come across the type where their ENTIRE journal is basically nothing but "AT LEAST! at LEAST!" like they're trying to convince themselves that they AREN'T like the person they were just fucking obsessing over for five minutes?
at least? yeah, at least ACCC has a program that even DROP OUTS (oh my god, the absolute miniscule SCUM! psh) can attend before they GO OFF TO COLLEGE. ...although I don't think morons get into college too often, so try shutting your legs and opening a few text books before making plans, asshole.
By the way, JILL? I love you. You have a mind of your OWN. I like that.
DON'T COME ACROSS THAT SHIT VERY OFTEN, NOW DO WE?
fuck.
Okay, I'm sorry, It's a rant. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|05:34 am] |
| [ | feel |
| |  just dandy. | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | Tricky - Hell is around the corner | ] |
okay. It's five thirty, I need to fix my sleeping patterns.
Last night Frank and I broke my bowl...he was cleaning it, it slipped out of his hand and like...hit the ashtray and shattered.
whatever, if it broke that easily, it would have as soon as it hit anything else as hard.
I'm slacking.
I'm trying to do more, and the more I try, the more I feel like I'm not doing enough. fucking ridiculous.
Joe got me an application for a nice job that'll pay 18,000 a year with full benefits, but you know...I rather a night-shift job. like at CVS. yup. I'd rather that.
Night shift is so much more calm. and It's nicer out. you know? Fuck. I know that makes me look lazy, but I really just don't like people I don't know...SPECIALLY OLD FOLKS...which I'd have to work with.
Whatever, if I don't get that job, I'll apply for a night job. oh yeah.
I've been doing okay with the drawing bit...wait...I should take pictures now.
( some drawings )
that's about it. |
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| Girls and Guys! |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|11:37 pm] |
I'm drawing as of late...perhaps I'll take snap shots of my drawings, but whatever...POINT!
I want...ALL YOU...to post tons of pictures of yourselves OR send TONS to me, and I'd be grateful, cause I need to work on drawing, and all of my friend's are SUPA- HOTT. ch'yeah.
please. I'd really appreciate more pictures. COME ON, you know you want to. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|04:22 am] |
| [ | feel |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | Explosion in the sky - look into the air | ] |
I'm sitting here...I've been trying to go to sleep but I keep thinking.
For a change, it isn't that bad.
I'm thinking about living with him,
what I'd do if I were with him right now,
and how much I shouldn't run my lips over his jaw bone.
...how much I shouldn't look so much at something so beautiful.
This is how addictions are.
The difference between once having tried a habit, then didn't like it enough to KEEP the habit.
The difference between Sunshine and every other Tom, Dick and Harry on earth.
I kept this habit...like I tried it and I liked it way too much.
If he were really an addiction, I wouldn't want to kick the habit.
Sometimes I'm afraid that it'll get too intense; that I'll drive myself off a cliff.
I've even wanted to.
He's under my skin.
Do you know how much effort I've put into ENJOYING MY SOLITUDE rather than get torn apart by my closest company?
Way too much. and now, I'm just naked.
I'm RAW, I actually think I'm going crazy sometimes, theres so little bullshit there as of late.
I never though it was possible to really be in love the way I am.
He is so perfect, and if I ever lost him, the withdrawal would probably kill me.
I realized, recently, there is only one person in my family that I can relate to, and he isn't even family.
UNCLE BOB.
He's an artist, and I'm an aspiring illustrator.
I'm aspiring, isn't that new.
I really am, although I think I didn't want to be.
Evidently I had a period where I wanted to convince myself that morivation was empty and TRYING to live was so pointless.
I cared, that was the problem.
and I care now.
I cared when I lost my best friend, I care that she was still checking my personal life, and then took up defense.
It isn't even a crime, you know.
I care that she can't understand, and she can't let go of a grudge.
Actually, not to be a bitch, but I'm afraid she's going to fuck up. Like, yeah she has a life, a job and whatnot, but that isn't life.
There are a million aspects out there in life, and a job and an average life isn't going to mean shit.
as I remember, she used to think, and she used to jump boundaries.
I bet she would have kissed her enemy if she knew it would bother them.
I wonder if she has any capability to even walk like she used to.
I hope she doesn't tie herself in too tightly. |
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| I'm back. |
[Jul. 18th, 2005|05:17 pm] |
I know I was asked to bring back pictures...so I did.
( hawaii ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|09:12 am] |
It's simply a shame when a regular human thinks it has the right to say who has what going for them.
I don't think anyone should have enough pride to think they have any say.
Who is to say, anyway? |
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| Heater... |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|02:25 pm] |
I want to go shopping. =-O
wha chu tink? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2005|11:19 pm] |
I won't be updating on here anymore 'cause I can't make it all friend's only.
'RENTS. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2005|11:05 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| |  grateful | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | From Autumn to Ashes - Autumn's Monologue | ] |
Holy shit.
You guys have no idea how happy I am.
I totally understand why I've been so down for the past 3 months.
Why didn't somebody tell me? ahaha
oh man. gonna die X.D
why are all my icons so serious?
hmm. |
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| I hate it when melo's down. |
[May. 11th, 2005|09:27 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | Kristen Barry - Ordinary Life | ] |
( quiz things )
P.S. ...never take a percocet and then smoke cigarettes...unless you want to die. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|10:14 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | The Cure - Love Song | ] |
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|08:59 pm] |
Love changes like people do,
and I am passed through hearts
as an inconstant scent on the air.
Infatuation.
"Love" will not be an abused word from my mouth.
Not mine. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|07:19 am] |
My life is at a stand still.
I spent the weekend at Amy's, I thought Lisa was in Phili but I guess she wasn't.
My mum went crazy with out me, and my brother and I talked, he said he missed me terribly.
I love Frank.
I love him so much.
I didn't go to school today, this weekend was way too hectic.
I'm sick of living someone elses life, though.
So as an announcement:
I do not hate Jillian Gaskill. I'm not sure what I did to her, or why she hates me so much, and the things she said really did hurt me, but all in all, I do not hate her.
I do not hate Julie Gaskill. I'm not quite sure what I did there, either, but I remember someone told me its because I said she didn't diserve me. That was my mistake. I really didn't mean it the way she took it. Dating Kelli was a real mistake, and I paid for it. Double.
I do not hate Jackie, but in truth I really don't know her anymore, so I don't bother her, and I wish it were mutual.
I don't hate shannon, either, incase anyone wanted to clear that up. I know shit gets talked, but when it comes down to it, she's alright.
I really don't hate anyone else.
I don't see why I should hate anyone, nor do I see a POINT of hating anyone.
I've made changes. I've said that in the past. I was not apologizing in this entry; there isn't much I have to apologize for.
I just wanted everyone to know what I was thinking; break the cycle.
talking with out action becomes very bitter in the end, and I rather have things mellow out.
I've done my part. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|04:21 pm] |
there isn't much to say.
I mainly update my melo, so everything thats happened is mentioned there, and relatively, nothing is mentioned here because live journal, to me, is relatively pointless.
bam!
so if you really give a shit, here's my melo.
the more understandable stuff is in the UPDATE folder. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|06:58 am] |
DROP. IT.
Now is not the greatest time to get on my bad side. |
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| an update that actually is meant to inform |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|12:05 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | that "rock you like a hurricane" song C'MON C'MON C'MON | ] |
hmmm.
I got kicked out by my mum.
she was being really immature and trying to make me un happy because she's miserable.
I pointed that out to her along with many of her charming flaws...I think what did it was me asking her if she was a fucking idiot.
might I add, this started over wanting to see my boyfriend and bringing the dishes down when I was told, BUT NOT TO HER KNOWLEDGE.
she said I never do anything other than what I'm told, now this is true.
It's the only true thing she was able to hold against me.
Mum: 1
Sarah Krafft: god damn, mum, just give up.
but ANYWAY. yeah. I'm staying at a friends.
If you need me just leave a comment, I'll get it through my mail, but don't email me because I deleted the other account a while ago.
but yeah...I totally NEEDED to get out of there. It was a magnetic poison, as Lisa would say.
toodles. |
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| sha awesome. |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|08:54 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | the cruxshadows - even angels fall | ] |
Your Seduction Style: The Charmer |
You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them! |
It feels so good taking out the trash these days. :) |
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| Note to the General PUBLIC psh psh |
[Mar. 10th, 2005|08:09 pm] |
If Lisa and I were TRULY striving for attention, WE GOT IT FROM YOU GUYS.
The fans.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!11
holy shit :) |
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| Hope: |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|02:30 am] |
| [ | feel |
| |  Gay! | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | Tom Petty - Mary Jane's Last Dance | ] |
I love this girl. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2005|05:13 pm] |
He has rested beneath my worst memory.
He's lounged not five feet from my violation.
He's killed himself slowly in the ashed molecules of my left behind
and where I've died by the hands of a stranger.
I was standing on a blue-hued beach.
I was walking where the moon could see...
crushes of waves; I can hear them now
between the murmur and shuffling feet.
I felt so light, it was a natural high
...if I hadn't turned around...
to the boardwalks of Wildwood.
To the crushed and shattered needles
and torn instances of cash.
Money that no longer carried monetary value...
near-corpses with the rubber bands still choking on their arms...
I'd be fine.
I SAW HIM THAT NIGHT.
I saw sunshine minutes before I died.
I was fourteen and he was nearly twelve.
I was searching for my way home.
I glanced toward the glow of a sideshow attraction,
he was standing against the soft light.
he was a sillhouette with a crystal-clarified face.
he was looking right at me.
WHERE WAS MY FATHER??
Misled, I followed a stranger below the boards
...I was wasted away, starved, sun-burned and un-rested...
Every step further down the stairs to the sand was another moment closer to sleep.
Impact of my feet with the cold sand and
IMPULSE.
VIOLENCE.
STRUGGLING.
...my pulse flying from possibility...
unconsciousness.
I woke up with a light in my eyes.
I assumed it was near-sunlight of a stained-glass sky, shining against my face.
The sun must have been rising, and the first ray of sunlight was dancing over my eyelids.
My underwear.
They were torn off, completely useless, down by my ankle.
My shirt and shorts were the only things I could find.
It wasn't even sunny, It wasn't even day.
Teenagers were running across the beach with flashlights shaking in their hands.
The moon was casting blue everywhere.
Blue Sunshine, yeah, I remember now.
The false kind, but the best kind.
I went to sleep that night with nothing else on my mind but
my lack of underwear,
fear of Wildwood,
and the knowledge that my innocence was, then, dead.
Where was my father? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2005|04:23 pm] |
Oh well hopefully I can see Sarah tomorrow or something, we didnt get to do much last night I wanted to just lay with her before I left but it was too late, I felt bad, I could have cried. I just wish I knew how she felt, shes like an enigma, weird and mysterious, though I never know how she feels.
that's the sweetest thing, ever.
it seriously made my day. |
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| I wrote some shit...ahaha |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|10:19 am] |
To listen to my music,
Go Here: http://falsevalues.net/~sarahkrafft/lisa.mp3
save it, or open, which ever works...dont worry...its just my song.
its really just me humming but I wrote it under the influence.
humming with some crappy guitar...but the fact that when I went back to listen to it, it felt great, and I dunno...thought Id share. :-/
I named it after Lisa because she was there the whole time I did it, to clear any confusion. |
|
|
| someone broke in and urinated in a pickle jar in our house |
[Mar. 4th, 2005|04:23 pm] |
get this shit.
mum went to look into the recycling and someone had left a pickle jar with left over pickle juice in it. she took it out to dump it, then suddenly burst out exclaiming that it smelled like piss.
I told her thats what she gets for buying the crappy kind.
then she told me it really smelled like urine.
at first i figured she was fucking with me.
then she started looking at each individual person there, and questions arose.
I sniffed it.
STRAIGHT FUCKING URINE.
who the fuck?
and we KNEW it wasnt from anyone in the house.
so this whole past 24 hours, we've been all James Bond secret detective about it. running around, searching for clues.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN OUR PICKLE JUICE CONTAINER AND RAN?
so ive been weird all day, worrying about "how they got in"
mum just called me down a few minutes ago with, "I've solved the pickle juice mystery!"
I ran down at the speed of light, asking who the culprit was.
NO. SERIOUSLY.
I said, "Whos the culprit?" looking around for any stray person or a sign of information one anyones visage.
she ran out to the kitchen and pointed to an experiment she had been doing.
pointed and explained.
Hey folks;
When you leave out old pickle juice, exposed to the oxygen and all that, EXPECT IT TO SMELL LIKE CONCENTRATED URINE.
peace out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|11:53 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| |  gay?! | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | red hot chili peppers - scar tissue | ] |
I was screwing around, found these pretty amusing. lol
 
...too bad I'm not good enough to use them as user pictures. ouch. |
|
|
| I'm cool. |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|05:42 pm] |
 | You scored as Verbal/Linguistic. You have highly developed auditory skills, enjoy reading and writing and telling stories, and are good at getting your point across. You learn best by saying and hearing words. People like you include poets, authors, speakers, attorneys, politicians, lecturers and teachers.
Verbal/Linguistic | | 93% | Musical/Rhythmic | | 75% | Intrapersonal | | 71% | Interpersonal | | 50% | Visual/Spatial | | 43% | Bodily/Kinesthetic | | 43% | Logical/Mathematical | | 29% | </td>
The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com |
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|
| Eidolon |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|01:27 am] |
I wish I had more time to think, but time won't save me now.
my past is nothing.
Faith, do you regret me?
Hope, do you resent me?
This is not writer's block, this is writer's hesitation.
Impulse is when you take action with little or no motivation.
religion is rationalization;
self defense mechanisms and a weak explanation.
...and I don't know how to advance on you.
Contact with you is dissociation with reasoning.
I'm captive in a nightmare, playing while my mind is breaking.
You're one of two sorts of mushroom.
You're on trial, Eidolon;
and potential poison never tasted so good.
for every breath, I breathe you in.
I kiss you, and I exhale smoke.
every scratch in my lungs is a flux of recreation.
and when smoke billows into my eyes, I beam.
I can feel the smoke rolling inside my arms
through my chest
over my legs and in between.
If a fool's paradise weren't foolish,
I'd whimper at the smell of regulars, and you'd reminisce in a haze of menthol.
Yet, through it all I feel that if you were air, I'd be dead,
and if I were air, you'd strangle yourself.
ASPHYXIATE.
I want to give you a touch that you've never felt and will never feel again. |
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|
| the majority of my entry subjects are "hmm," so: Hmm... |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|11:54 pm] |
let us see...busy weekend.
I took out my nose ring. I'm letting it heal up.
I'm going out with Frank.
AHHH! I broke The Fuzz: My freedom, my escape.
R.I.P. The Fuzz.
I'm thinking I'll stay up all night.
I'm out of my inspiration cataclyst, and this new factor? I've written down a few things tonight, but my main priority is to review my tape, jot down good stuff, and start recording again.
maybe clean up my thoughts...try to make sense of all this.
I may update later.
EDIT: not frank the ninja turtle freak. haha |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
hmmm.
yup, changed my mind.
I went off to change, but I've already changed. Just had to get up and shake off the dirt.
more to come, I guess. |
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| oh well. |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|10:49 pm] |
im tired of reading every few lines, "some shit about drama"
well...its the only thing that gives anyone something to bitch about. if these random out bursts of child-like drama weren't firing all over the net, most people would have absolutely fucking nothing to say. brief over your last few entries. chances are, you wasted your time.
Lisa brought this up, and she also asked me not to waste my time with this like everyone else. too bad im bitchy.
I am leaving live journal because the reading material is un eventful, and frankly, over all un-entertaining, not out of spite.
At this point I'm laughing and wondering how it all started.
But it's seriously wasting my time, I need to get off of live journal and stay out of all the little kid fights.
It's just going to keep this non-sense going.
AND FOR THE HOTTEST GAME OF THE MONTH:
delete me if you think it applies to you :-D
i dont give a shit anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|08:00 pm] |
The days are moving across the sky, and the english boy is focusing in her sight, and still so far away.
like the image is taunting her.
when you stay up another night, and the ads are driving you crazy, because theres nothing else to do but get drawn into temptation.
except, there's simply too much to do.
and the english boy is hindering...
...delaying, inhibiting, stalling...
Love's LIFE.
you know.
you know how it is.
Like she woke up from a coma she's been in for ages, and suddenly shes being pushed over the edge. the one she was supposed to have learned to fly off of...
the precipice of love's life.
I'm crumbling away as I'm finally building.
I'm falling away from my head, and straight into my heart.
...
you know, I really need to stop smoking. :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|06:31 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| |  happy | ] |
This has been the greatest weekend of my life.
It sucks that it had to end.
I spent most of it with Lisa, and then I went to Lisa M's house for the super bowl.
my goodness, it was great. |
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| Change. |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|07:25 pm] |
Yeah, I know I'm not one to change. I know it seems I never do.
Maybe I need to.
Maybe I haven't. Maybe I did, and it was too much. If I changed nearly completely, I'd be better off, I suppose.
Most people that I love, really don't show me the love I deserve back. The trust. I never gave someone enough reason to NOT trust me. I am not to be PROVEN, and I should NEVER have to explain myself when I've done nothing.
At a time, when someone said things about me that shouldn't have been said, I'd accept it. suck it up.
People say things to you. then they say things ABOUT you, that aren't true.
The people that have to turn around and take back the stupid and unjust remarks they made about you...they aren't worth it. I have to accept that for my own health. For my own life.
I need to stop liking people that don't treat me right.
That never listen, That always interrupt. That make me feel like shit.
Do you know how long it's taken me to realize I deserve better?
until now.
I Don't deserve to have to watch my back.
to make sure no one's running up to break my spine.
I shouldn't have to be CRAZY and fucking OFF THE WALLS just to have friends.
I can't take it. I cannot take all the havoc. having to be alert when I should be mellowed out and comfortable.
Maybe some people can take it. Good for you, good for them.
I shouldn't have to take it. Because no one is perfect, and no one gives me any credit for trying to be a good person.
As of now, I wont give anyone the time of day if they mess up with me.
I'm sick of dishing out ten-thousandth chances, getting nothing in return.
It's just not worth it.
...and I think things are going to really start changing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|07:05 am] |
WHY DO I GET FUCKED OVER EVERY TIME I LISTENTO SOMEONE?!
I think I did the right thing.
but...then...why is everyone talking about me behind my back?
do me a favor (to anyone in general): if you really mean the things you say about me when Im not hearing it, don't act like we're cool in public. just tell me what you really think of me, and let it be. |
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| I have to peeeee. |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|12:47 pm] |
| [ | feel |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | hear |
| | Geoffrey Oryema - Makambo | ] |
I shouldn't really open up to this topic. Not in a journal entry.
A good friend came over yesterday, one I hadn't seen in a long time.
I used to date him, but he had to go to college and blah blah blah.
we spent yesterday together under the light of my window.
It was the most relaxing non-boring day Ive had since...I cant even remember.
Im afraid that he'll leave for a while again. I'm pretty sure if he doesn't call tonight (yes, that simple) I'll be very dissapointed.
I need to make an entry about it because this isn't something I should shrug off.
I could spend as many evenings out partying with the craziest people and sleep in the next morning for as long as I want and NEVER feel this good.
It's more than entry-worthy.
THIS is action-worthy. |
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sarahkrafft's journal
fucker.